🔗 Share this article

Our close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been often blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her. She made greater energy toward our bond, likely grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points but she shifts them to her own topics. Politically, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday to a nation I've visited on several occasions even called home previously. My intention was to share advice, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her plans. I've just come back from a month there and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she can understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to a solution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument about this. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally is to question ways you together will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Consider she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's wildly impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides closure knowing you were open and direct.